Just talking

The beautiful painter questions me about the oscar wilde quote. (Who would have believed that I would ever quote him.) And I do nearly believe it that if we did something (interestingly) immoral once we will always do it again, even though it is not as simple as that. Now looking back I think it quite sad. I do think if we could justify the act once then we could probably justify it twice and even a third... The sexual tension between us turns somehow the issue towards cheating, either of us use the word, but I know that's what he is thinking. We can both feel it's about cheating. How do I know that.

And then there's the ghost, who came looking for me, but I was already gone. Wishing for another to call me. How can this man act this way with me. Rude and arrogant, and then tender and sumblimily affectionate. There is no winning with this one. Seriously, just when you think it's all finally resting, he'll choke you back to life and you wont know the Fuck what just happened. R told me that we looked good together. I answered surprised at his comment with 'why, when we are at each others throats' ' especially then.'

I wish he would reconsider the length of this sideburns and me.