Opus 23

It's not like an ugly feeling. It's like a small wave that starts to surface close to my stomache and washes along past my heart into my head where is waits to be recognised. I bought a pair of underwear today. I pictured myself standing infront of him in them. JINXED. I wish i were back in london, and surrounded by crowds and lost again. But I'm alone in my family home waiting for something to happen, from him, maybe from me. I consulted an online magic eight ball and it's words were cruel and possibly correct. I can't forget last night and his drunkness and his honest words 'You never call XX kisses X' so at 18.45 i let it go for 4 rings and I lost my nerve and hung up. I am petrified. Another wave rolls up...the feeling that it's coming to an end...