Something sad

I often feel my life happens to me while i’m waiting for something else to happen.Is that something sad?...I imagine that we are arguing, that my cheeks are red with anger and him calm. He tried to touch me but I push him away. He’s making the big gesture and deep within; under the anger rejoice is ringing. I feel the broken record turning. I can’t believe I’m back here again. Obviously not wanting to let him go, he seems to have remained in the background ready to resurface whenever he feels like it. Bastard. We still feel each other in the room, I can’t not smile or look and I can see that it’s the same for him too. When he walked into the office to say something. Playing it cool I tried not to read him, but he was called away and he never said to me what he hoped. His words never left him and I feel sick. I bounce between the same two. I feel like I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I can’t feel anything beyond this loneliness that eats at me now.