Long time...Still coming...

My soul has been very supportive about moving on, away from the boy I wanted to build boats for. I thought that was the clever idea. Then I dreamt about him. When I woke up I was in love with him. And nothing else. All the memories come back, they seem fresh and soar. We are coming up to our anniversary. When we were introduced at my private view.
The moment I keep on going back to now is after he kissed me we stood silently on the plot behind P’s house at 3 in the morning. After a kiss so feverish I seem still intoxicated from, does he feel the same as I do. I wanted to tell him when I woke up, why can’t we sort this out, why can’t it be easy with us. There’s something that’s beginning to shock me now, it’s the length of this sordid fixation we seen to have for each other.
I was at university standing with my friend and the technician in full conversation about our plan of action on a certain piece, our heads bowing around the drawings we were making. I felt him come in the room, come close enough, I looked up, him with his cappuccino and kit-kat, he gave me this look (i couldn’t read nor remember now, i think maybe he wanted me to follow him out) and then walked out. I made sure my upward look was momentary and continued with the conversation. My point is ‘ need to’ or ‘no need.’ He didn’t need to walk in, make his presence known and there was no need for him to walk into the wood workshop. Why didn’t he say something to me, why does he never say anything to me.
I find myself inviting him to new latest private view. His message is short and I change my response and its tone; friendly and sweet. He catches bite and his messages become softer, just a little and then I say something I know he wont be able not to respond to. “please don't be angry with me any more. it was such a long time ago... “ “I’m not angry no more, luv. (I don’t know if he’s trying to be cryptic or didn’t think about his message) I know it’s a lie, but maybe now things can be different... I hope for this now for another time. FOOLISH. But things are going to happen for me this week, i’m confident that something is going to happen.