Couldn't
I couldn’t even tell you why I told him. I couldn’t even tell you why I broke and stopped being honest. I couldn’t tell you why when he asked me I said no. When I meant yes. With the boat in his hands we walked through the huge crowds that were gathering on the walk ways along the Thames. I couldn’t have picked a worse time. I couldn’t have felt more sick. I couldn’t stop wanting to stop and look at him and take his face and kiss him better. I couldn’t take back my words that had now made me angry. I couldn’t even convince him that it wasn’t his fault; that I wasn’t disappointed in him. I couldn’t then tell him it was a mistake. not my feelings but the timing. Always our timing. We started to walk aimlessly and twilight appeared and while we silently walked in torture and city became romantic and epic. Trafalgar square lit red for the concert and stopped. Enough. I couldn’t take any more. I couldn’t wait any longer. I couldn’t hold my tears from falling. We stepping onto the underground and he moved closer to hold me, I shook my head and got on the train. No happy endings for this girl, this time.
posted by HT company at 12:51
1 Comments:
I was this close to saying “I love you”. I don’t know whether its true or what it meant. Maybe all I lusted for was this moment, where his previous misgivings or commitments or whatever subsided in a moment, all because I had said the magic words. And he would know that it wasn’t a ploy, it wasn’t another insincerity or a move in the game. He might have known that. But I wouldn’t have known it.
I left him at Canada Water, with a lot of love and sadness in my heart.
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